It has been a year. Yes, A YEAR.
Well, I always go back to blog whenever I feel lonely.
Corretion : Most of the time, I AM ALWAYS LONELY.
It's kinda weird to type all the sad feelings I have now in my so called dusty blog. But ya, I have no one and at least I have this medium to transfer all the thoughts I have in mind. Might reduce the stress level kot.
So, lots of major things had happened throughout the one year. The good and the bad. I am now in a different phase of life. Nomore struggling with exams and assignment and whining about boyfriends.
Well ya, I am living my life.
The life I have now is totally different. I have big commitments. To myself and family.
And it somehow forces me to think like a lady. An iron lady.
Yes, I admit I had fallen into a deep hole and somehow I kept pushing myself to climb up.
Not giving up is a remedy.
Working in Kerteh has taught me a lot; to handle grumpy and gatal technicians, to handle bad drivers on the road and etc. The politics among colleagues are also interesting. Everyone wants to be on top. And ya, few of them practiced the "Walk Around Look Important" value. It's so hard to tackle those people because they will never stop. Well, human beings, what more can I say. As far as I can stand on my own, I'm okay with it.
Apart from all the bad things, I am grateful to be where I am now. Alhamdulillah.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Friday, November 30, 2012
Mistake
Dear P.N.
Today would be my last day here right before I start a new phase in my life. Your presence surely made me and my family happy, especially Evy and daddy. They love you. And I hope you feel the same way too.
Well, arguments happen all the times. But what I've learned throughout 23 years old of living, human will always make mistakes. From a small mistake, it will lead to a big arguments. But the output and the consequences from the arguments are all depends on the person, from both side. Either they want to just let it go and to try to solve it. Or, to glue every details of the arguments in mind.
My way of handling arguments is bad. Yes, I admit that. I tend to raise my voice without realizing it and when I reach to my boiling point, I would explode more. But, it takes me few minutes to cool down and eventually I'll try my best to fix things.
Because I believe there is still space for me to make thing as it is. Faith.
And when it involves something or someone I love, I would do anything, yes anything to prove them that I deserve a second chance.
But when there's no second chance given, I would walk away, and move on. For the better.
Manusia sangat lemah. Eeasily fall, easily break into pieces.
Do you know why ?
Because human have feelings, emotions.
These two elements control us so much till we somehow tend not to think wisely before making any decision. Me myself has made a lot of mistakes. A lot.
And I will be glad if those people who i unintentionally hurt their feelings would forgive me.
I'm sorry.
-Because you are special, after all-
Today would be my last day here right before I start a new phase in my life. Your presence surely made me and my family happy, especially Evy and daddy. They love you. And I hope you feel the same way too.
Well, arguments happen all the times. But what I've learned throughout 23 years old of living, human will always make mistakes. From a small mistake, it will lead to a big arguments. But the output and the consequences from the arguments are all depends on the person, from both side. Either they want to just let it go and to try to solve it. Or, to glue every details of the arguments in mind.
My way of handling arguments is bad. Yes, I admit that. I tend to raise my voice without realizing it and when I reach to my boiling point, I would explode more. But, it takes me few minutes to cool down and eventually I'll try my best to fix things.
Because I believe there is still space for me to make thing as it is. Faith.
And when it involves something or someone I love, I would do anything, yes anything to prove them that I deserve a second chance.
But when there's no second chance given, I would walk away, and move on. For the better.
Manusia sangat lemah. Eeasily fall, easily break into pieces.
Do you know why ?
Because human have feelings, emotions.
These two elements control us so much till we somehow tend not to think wisely before making any decision. Me myself has made a lot of mistakes. A lot.
And I will be glad if those people who i unintentionally hurt their feelings would forgive me.
I'm sorry.
-Because you are special, after all-
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Gollum
It's a little bit funny to think back; the closest person to you suddenly become a total stranger. No more phone calls, no more BBMs. Disappeared. Invisible.
Yes, as we move through our lives, we make friends, enjoy friends and then we go our separate ways and find new friends and the cycle starts over again. But to think twice, we really never totally lose friends because we are influenced by their thoughts, words and deeds and we share our thoughts, words and deeds with them.
And we do indeed become what we take with us through life, from friends.That is why we should be so very careful choosing our friends. They do influence us regardless if we want them to or not.
And as for me, I have many, many friends. I hope that I have recognized their good attributes and that I have made myself a better person because of the good that I found in them. Allah blesses us with just a few friends that we remain close to, sometimes.
There is one guy, Gollum; the name I gave him. A very nice guy who happened to be a very close friend of mine after meeting him in one event. Always on the line whenever I need him. Pillow talks almost every weekends and he somehow taught me how to be strong; not to give up in whatever I do. And of course, I love having his company, as he named himself as "the backbone".
And I don't know how to put down in words when he suddenly tried put a distance between us. Well you see, it's really amazing when two strangers become the best of friends, but it's really sad when the best of friends become two strangers.
*sigh
Yes, as we move through our lives, we make friends, enjoy friends and then we go our separate ways and find new friends and the cycle starts over again. But to think twice, we really never totally lose friends because we are influenced by their thoughts, words and deeds and we share our thoughts, words and deeds with them.
And we do indeed become what we take with us through life, from friends.That is why we should be so very careful choosing our friends. They do influence us regardless if we want them to or not.
And as for me, I have many, many friends. I hope that I have recognized their good attributes and that I have made myself a better person because of the good that I found in them. Allah blesses us with just a few friends that we remain close to, sometimes.
There is one guy, Gollum; the name I gave him. A very nice guy who happened to be a very close friend of mine after meeting him in one event. Always on the line whenever I need him. Pillow talks almost every weekends and he somehow taught me how to be strong; not to give up in whatever I do. And of course, I love having his company, as he named himself as "the backbone".
And I don't know how to put down in words when he suddenly tried put a distance between us. Well you see, it's really amazing when two strangers become the best of friends, but it's really sad when the best of friends become two strangers.
*sigh
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Mumble Jumble
So, I am now sipping my second cup of teh-o-suam, at 3.19 am. Doing nothing at home somehow gave me an impact to write more; more on expressing whatever I had in mind. And a friend of mine also encouraged me to continue writing, though there's nothing much to share. But yea, will try my best to keep on posting new topics. :)
Mumble.
Do you mumble a lot ? Have you encountered people who mumbled continuously ? Do you ever feel like chocking them with cactus inside their lung to shut them up ? Does it annoy you when people mumble ?
Well, I do.
A lady once asked me, "Fieda, you speak too fast, are you nervous?". And this happened during one of my job interviews. I was paralyzed at second and I immediately answered "Nope, I had so much to tell you, and I can't help myself but to speak fast so that I won't miss any point ?" Haha, epic failure. -.-" Well, I sometime speak too fast without realizing it and I tend to eat my words in a weird way.
But in general, lack of confidence will make most people mumble and speak in a "machine-gun" like chatter. Random topics will pop out, and 24 hours without drinking any water will NOT easily make them to shut up.
A friend of mine loves to mumble. It got me to one point where instead of asking him to repeat whatever he told me, I just nod and pretended I heard and when he smiled, I assumed it is my cue that he said something funny and I had to politely laugh. (Good move, ha)
Well people mumble because they are trying to deliver their message in a few words as possible and as quickly as they can, often in a mumbled manner. And people do mumble when they are nervous.
Though mumbling would lead to difficulties to succeed in business or social relationships, I somehow find people who mumble are cute. I am definitely not "angkat bakul sendiri" here, but it is cute to hear people mumble (well, sometimes)
And why the hell am I writing about "mumbling" again ?
Mumble.
Do you mumble a lot ? Have you encountered people who mumbled continuously ? Do you ever feel like chocking them with cactus inside their lung to shut them up ? Does it annoy you when people mumble ?
Well, I do.
A lady once asked me, "Fieda, you speak too fast, are you nervous?". And this happened during one of my job interviews. I was paralyzed at second and I immediately answered "Nope, I had so much to tell you, and I can't help myself but to speak fast so that I won't miss any point ?" Haha, epic failure. -.-" Well, I sometime speak too fast without realizing it and I tend to eat my words in a weird way.
But in general, lack of confidence will make most people mumble and speak in a "machine-gun" like chatter. Random topics will pop out, and 24 hours without drinking any water will NOT easily make them to shut up.
A friend of mine loves to mumble. It got me to one point where instead of asking him to repeat whatever he told me, I just nod and pretended I heard and when he smiled, I assumed it is my cue that he said something funny and I had to politely laugh. (Good move, ha)
Well people mumble because they are trying to deliver their message in a few words as possible and as quickly as they can, often in a mumbled manner. And people do mumble when they are nervous.
Though mumbling would lead to difficulties to succeed in business or social relationships, I somehow find people who mumble are cute. I am definitely not "angkat bakul sendiri" here, but it is cute to hear people mumble (well, sometimes)
And why the hell am I writing about "mumbling" again ?
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Trust Issues
I am basically writing this in general, not involving or to relate any of my personal problems, or any specific person I know. But speaking of which, it is not a rare thing for couples to sooner or later, run into a few bumps in the road. And from there, we can recognize the problems and eventually get a better chance of weathering the storm.
Trust. Honest. Loyal.
The idea of writing this post came by when I was shisha-ing with a close friend of mine, and we started to talk about "trust". And at one point I started to question myself; how does a couple ended up to have a trust issues? How does it get started ? A third person ? An affair ? Lack of communications ? Distance? Mistrust interfering with primary relationship ? Well, you tell me.
The point of being in a relationship is by loving each other, show support and willing to sacrifice to achieve whatever have been written in the so called "all-the-promises-to-be-with-you-till-the-end-of-time-mini-book". But, having a trust issues, would likely cause many problems.
A relationship that has the best chance to withstand all the tests of time is the one that is build on a solid foundation that consists of love, respect and trust. However, the crisis in confidence and trust have lead to betrayal.
A love triangle. How does it get started ? I pun tak faham. Maybe certain situation like "attention-issues"?
Girls love attention. They do the hair for the boyfriend to notice, do the make up for the boyfriend to feel "no-one-can-ever-compete-the-beauty-ness-in-her ". And when they do not get the attention, they tend to make the boyfriend jealous; by telling the boyfriend some other guys are chasing her. Well, it depends on the boyfriend to react. If the boyfriend cannot offer the attentions (which the other guys would), the girl obviously gonna be sad and the chasers (might be the boyfriend's friend) would take that chance to make the moves. Tapi ini sangat puppy love.
Fact : It is not easy to deal with trust issues when the relationship has been damaged.
I believe in order to succeed in restoring trust, a couple has to have a mutual understanding and an open communication. But yea, sometimes love is not enough to make everything go smoothly, as we continuously fear of being betrayed or fooled around.
And I am definitely agree that sometimes the truth may hurt us, but the honesty means more. Even if things don’t go quite smoothly in the beginning, the honesty will be appreciated later on and the trust will be developed through time.
-LOVE-
Monday, September 3, 2012
And finally.
#np - Good Time, Owl City.
I am finally graduated (self-claim). Wohoo ! It has been 5 years. Yes, 5 years ! And I still can recall the first time I step myself into UTP and I was of course, amazed by the big Chancellor Hall and the mighty library. And from that moment, the 18-years-old girl told herself;
"I really want to be an engineer".
Being one of the UTP students really taught myself the idea of working hard. Because you see, I will not be able to survive without studying my ass off. Sometimes I wish the mini market sells the strong Gam Gajah so I can use it to glue myself on the chair and study. Crazy.
The environment, the surrounding somehow forced me to EAT, STUDY, DANCE, PLAY with a notepad-microchip being implanted in mind. & The students are creepy ; during my first semester back in Foundation, one of the students in my batch came to me and asked "Have you covered Chapter 1?" It was just 2 days after the semester started, for godsake !
But was in that kind of situation for years and; a nerd, tak-ada-life, F0 (freak-out) are all the names the housemates gave me. Well, that is my life. My precious life in UTP.
So 5 years. Yupe, time flies. Already packed my stuff and I am here in my hometown, waiting. Waiting for the result of my PETRONAS Structured Interview. But why do I have to feel so sad leaving UTP ? I was all excited counting days to finish up my degree last month. Sad. Yes, I am sad. The memories, definitely can't be replaced. *sigh*
Well, never thought I am going to start a career phase soon. Been through interviews for jobs and planning to start working in October, hopefully. With the support from the people I love, it wouldn't be a problem for me to pursue what I had in mind years ago. Failures are always going to be a deal on the table, ways on how to counter them matters. Family and friends play a big role. Advices from them should be kept in a pocket. ZIP.
Notes : Friends who help you in times of need, keep them. Friends who tend to ignore you and approach you during happy hours, kick them ass. We don't need parasite in our life.
I am finally graduated (self-claim). Wohoo ! It has been 5 years. Yes, 5 years ! And I still can recall the first time I step myself into UTP and I was of course, amazed by the big Chancellor Hall and the mighty library. And from that moment, the 18-years-old girl told herself;
"I really want to be an engineer".
Being one of the UTP students really taught myself the idea of working hard. Because you see, I will not be able to survive without studying my ass off. Sometimes I wish the mini market sells the strong Gam Gajah so I can use it to glue myself on the chair and study. Crazy.
The environment, the surrounding somehow forced me to EAT, STUDY, DANCE, PLAY with a notepad-microchip being implanted in mind. & The students are creepy ; during my first semester back in Foundation, one of the students in my batch came to me and asked "Have you covered Chapter 1?" It was just 2 days after the semester started, for godsake !
But was in that kind of situation for years and; a nerd, tak-ada-life, F0 (freak-out) are all the names the housemates gave me. Well, that is my life. My precious life in UTP.
So 5 years. Yupe, time flies. Already packed my stuff and I am here in my hometown, waiting. Waiting for the result of my PETRONAS Structured Interview. But why do I have to feel so sad leaving UTP ? I was all excited counting days to finish up my degree last month. Sad. Yes, I am sad. The memories, definitely can't be replaced. *sigh*
Well, never thought I am going to start a career phase soon. Been through interviews for jobs and planning to start working in October, hopefully. With the support from the people I love, it wouldn't be a problem for me to pursue what I had in mind years ago. Failures are always going to be a deal on the table, ways on how to counter them matters. Family and friends play a big role. Advices from them should be kept in a pocket. ZIP.
Notes : Friends who help you in times of need, keep them. Friends who tend to ignore you and approach you during happy hours, kick them ass. We don't need parasite in our life.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
You've got to be kidding me ?
Of course, all parents want the best for their kids. But in Kelantan, somehow the parents take things the other way around. They tend to plan among themselves, without discussing and planning further with the kids. For example, marriage.
Currently on my 10 days semester break, I've planned to spend more time with the family especially with my 2 years old niece, Evy. The fact that I am having fever now, I am not capable enough to entertain her with the so called "A-weem-ba-web-dance" and when she started to make the sad-cute faces, I JUST WANNA EAT HER ALIVE.
Mama on the other hand, was so excited to match me with her friend's son. -.-"
This is not the first time she did this. There were 4 families came to my house and were so excited to see me. Feel like being on top of KB Mall and shout "Am I that famous ? ! !" I just don't get the way they think.
I haven't crossed all the 'things-to-do' list and they expected me to get married ? Too soon, Ma. Plus, I am in a relationship, for godsake.
Parents tend to forget their kids are no longer "kids". They have set limits and rely on natural consequences for us to learn from making their own mistakes. And somehow they dictated how their kids should behave and do not expect the kids to disagree with their decisions. Yes, the want THE BEST for the kids, but when it involves the man who is going to marry the daughter, they should loosen up a bit.
Parents are firm, with kindness, warmth and love and somehow it's not wrong for them to set high standards and encourage their kids to be independent.
So, KAHWIN? You've got to be kidding me ? !
Currently on my 10 days semester break, I've planned to spend more time with the family especially with my 2 years old niece, Evy. The fact that I am having fever now, I am not capable enough to entertain her with the so called "A-weem-ba-web-dance" and when she started to make the sad-cute faces, I JUST WANNA EAT HER ALIVE.
Mama on the other hand, was so excited to match me with her friend's son. -.-"
This is not the first time she did this. There were 4 families came to my house and were so excited to see me. Feel like being on top of KB Mall and shout "Am I that famous ? ! !" I just don't get the way they think.
I haven't crossed all the 'things-to-do' list and they expected me to get married ? Too soon, Ma. Plus, I am in a relationship, for godsake.
Parents tend to forget their kids are no longer "kids". They have set limits and rely on natural consequences for us to learn from making their own mistakes. And somehow they dictated how their kids should behave and do not expect the kids to disagree with their decisions. Yes, the want THE BEST for the kids, but when it involves the man who is going to marry the daughter, they should loosen up a bit.
Parents are firm, with kindness, warmth and love and somehow it's not wrong for them to set high standards and encourage their kids to be independent.
So, KAHWIN? You've got to be kidding me ? !
Review
I'm 23; this year.
I have so much to accomplish within a short period. Obstacles are always on the path and I should thank to god for giving me strength to put things together. Without obstacles, I won't learn to stand on my feet and counter the wind that blows me hard.
Syukur.
Never imagine to be in final year and only 2 semester to be completed. I'm proud of myself, very. It's actually an alarm to trigger me to say "It's my turn now to repay back the parent's sacrifices." I should face slap myself hard because I was acting so childish and stupid for blaming them not to give out any effort to make my family any better. It's hard when you have to deal with family problems, but mama showed me how strong she is, handling and dealing them all. I guess I got the strength from my mom. She's truly an idol.
& it somehow made me laugh to read back the 2008 and 2009 post. I got obsessed so easily. Well, that's how it works. You review back your past, you compare and at one point you figure how grown up you've become. Maturity is the word.
I've traveled all the way to be where I am now. Travel in this matter is the journey of countering the physical, mental and emotional breakdown. It's not easy to put the everyday-mask just for the sake of telling people "Hey, I'm okay". Yes, I used to wear it everyday. But at one point, I figured it was pointless.
& Adam Lutfie came into my life. Never fail to stop me from pursuing me dream. He's my drug now. He thought me how to be matured, act and think like an adult. Showed me how to see things differently. The path I had to go through won't be as smooth as it would be without him.
He is my inspiration, my big one true love. The best thing that ever happened to me in life and will be the most important thing for me today, tomorrow and forever. Cheesy ? Naaah.
I have so much to accomplish within a short period. Obstacles are always on the path and I should thank to god for giving me strength to put things together. Without obstacles, I won't learn to stand on my feet and counter the wind that blows me hard.
Syukur.
Never imagine to be in final year and only 2 semester to be completed. I'm proud of myself, very. It's actually an alarm to trigger me to say "It's my turn now to repay back the parent's sacrifices." I should face slap myself hard because I was acting so childish and stupid for blaming them not to give out any effort to make my family any better. It's hard when you have to deal with family problems, but mama showed me how strong she is, handling and dealing them all. I guess I got the strength from my mom. She's truly an idol.
& it somehow made me laugh to read back the 2008 and 2009 post. I got obsessed so easily. Well, that's how it works. You review back your past, you compare and at one point you figure how grown up you've become. Maturity is the word.
I've traveled all the way to be where I am now. Travel in this matter is the journey of countering the physical, mental and emotional breakdown. It's not easy to put the everyday-mask just for the sake of telling people "Hey, I'm okay". Yes, I used to wear it everyday. But at one point, I figured it was pointless.
& Adam Lutfie came into my life. Never fail to stop me from pursuing me dream. He's my drug now. He thought me how to be matured, act and think like an adult. Showed me how to see things differently. The path I had to go through won't be as smooth as it would be without him.
He is my inspiration, my big one true love. The best thing that ever happened to me in life and will be the most important thing for me today, tomorrow and forever. Cheesy ? Naaah.
Friday, August 19, 2011
It's alright.
Hey people,
Yeah you can call me insane for not updating my blog for almost a year ? And what makes me wanna continue again ? I am currently enjoying my 1 month + holidays after internship. The 8 months internship passed by quickly without me realizing it. It had been a joyful experience and yes I've learned a lot !
So today I've decided to continue posting something in my blog since I am free most of the time. Okay, CORRECTION : ALL the timeeee.
Anyway, I did read back my previous post and most of them are SOOO PATHETIC ! What was I thinking back then ? Sedih all the time ?? Haih. Gapo dio tahu aku duk bobe kokse dulu. Sedih sokmo. Tok molek ore Kelate kato.
Truly said, sedih sorang2 tak ke mana. I am SUPER happy now. I was being too emotional and sensitive. NOT GOOD NOT GOOD. The no-biggie-thing pun I took it seriously. Come on la, to think back again I was so IDIOT.
I am enjoying every ticks I have in life now. I read books, gossips with mama, layan budu, dance alone in front of the mirror (bajet Britney Spears), babysit my niece, gayut with my boyfriend etc etc and yes I enjoy myself doing all of those simple things.
U might say "Haaa aa laa, benda macam tu pun boleh buat lu happy ka ?"
Well to be honest, I'd rather do those stuff than imagining and blaming myself for not being at a cool place and cuci-mata-ing around and act as if my dad drives a Lambo.
Yes, I don't deny I always fall to downhill and cry whenever I face problems. I cried over some haters telling shits about me to others. I cried because of people making bad assumption towards me. I cried over some stupid-no-biggie matters. But that was before. On second thought, I was completely bodoh back then.
The love ones always thought me to be tough and handle things wisely.
Think-before-you-act and learn to let go.
Say "It's alright" if you happen to face difficulties and try to solve them wisely. Use your brain. We are all smart-people kan, so yea "Guna lah otak sebaik mungkin".
Cheers :)
Yeah you can call me insane for not updating my blog for almost a year ? And what makes me wanna continue again ? I am currently enjoying my 1 month + holidays after internship. The 8 months internship passed by quickly without me realizing it. It had been a joyful experience and yes I've learned a lot !
So today I've decided to continue posting something in my blog since I am free most of the time. Okay, CORRECTION : ALL the timeeee.
Anyway, I did read back my previous post and most of them are SOOO PATHETIC ! What was I thinking back then ? Sedih all the time ?? Haih. Gapo dio tahu aku duk bobe kokse dulu. Sedih sokmo. Tok molek ore Kelate kato.
Truly said, sedih sorang2 tak ke mana. I am SUPER happy now. I was being too emotional and sensitive. NOT GOOD NOT GOOD. The no-biggie-thing pun I took it seriously. Come on la, to think back again I was so IDIOT.
I am enjoying every ticks I have in life now. I read books, gossips with mama, layan budu, dance alone in front of the mirror (bajet Britney Spears), babysit my niece, gayut with my boyfriend etc etc and yes I enjoy myself doing all of those simple things.
U might say "Haaa aa laa, benda macam tu pun boleh buat lu happy ka ?"
Well to be honest, I'd rather do those stuff than imagining and blaming myself for not being at a cool place and cuci-mata-ing around and act as if my dad drives a Lambo.
Yes, I don't deny I always fall to downhill and cry whenever I face problems. I cried over some haters telling shits about me to others. I cried because of people making bad assumption towards me. I cried over some stupid-no-biggie matters. But that was before. On second thought, I was completely bodoh back then.
The love ones always thought me to be tough and handle things wisely.
Think-before-you-act and learn to let go.
Say "It's alright" if you happen to face difficulties and try to solve them wisely. Use your brain. We are all smart-people kan, so yea "Guna lah otak sebaik mungkin".
Cheers :)
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Sharing
Do you share ? Share in term of everything ? Clothes, shampoos, foods, books ? Yes yes yes, I bet you are. I am absolutely agree with "Sharing is caring", but not everything we can share.
I don't share my friend. I want them to stick with me. If someone else take them away from me, I'll evolve to be a very beautiful pontianak and eat them. This is not a joke, I'm serious. Fucking serious. I don't like to share, do you fucking get it ?!
Oh well, it's okay being emotional about this, right ? I just don't fucking share la. I cant type the same statement thousand times just to let glue your mind that we don't share love, friend etc right ? Haih.
If you think you do share, you're mad. Haha.
Oh maybe I am mad :(
I don't share my friend. I want them to stick with me. If someone else take them away from me, I'll evolve to be a very beautiful pontianak and eat them. This is not a joke, I'm serious. Fucking serious. I don't like to share, do you fucking get it ?!
Oh well, it's okay being emotional about this, right ? I just don't fucking share la. I cant type the same statement thousand times just to let glue your mind that we don't share love, friend etc right ? Haih.
If you think you do share, you're mad. Haha.
Oh maybe I am mad :(
Monday, November 15, 2010
Rumit
I am now reaching to a level where everything is not right, everything seems to be so confusing, everything turns into something that I'd never imagined it would be. Kenapa ?
Things are so rumit even yang biasa.
I am depressed, I am sad, I am frustrated.
I used to be so tough handling things alone. I used to be so good alone. I can suck up everything that involves pedih, perit, pilu.
But why Fieda why ?
I am no longer strong to suck it up everything and act like everything is okay. Shaf once told me "you can lie to me, but you never can lie to yourself".
As much as I want to run away from thinking too much on what I am facing now, whenever I turn my head back, they're still following me.
Yes, I need to stop keep things to myself. But how ?
The wonderful times, moments I had, ended so fast. Because everything is actually just a dream, a mistake, I would say.
Yes, thing are so rumit indeed.
Things are so rumit even yang biasa.
I am depressed, I am sad, I am frustrated.
I used to be so tough handling things alone. I used to be so good alone. I can suck up everything that involves pedih, perit, pilu.
But why Fieda why ?
I am no longer strong to suck it up everything and act like everything is okay. Shaf once told me "you can lie to me, but you never can lie to yourself".
As much as I want to run away from thinking too much on what I am facing now, whenever I turn my head back, they're still following me.
Yes, I need to stop keep things to myself. But how ?
The wonderful times, moments I had, ended so fast. Because everything is actually just a dream, a mistake, I would say.
Yes, thing are so rumit indeed.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
;)
Whenever I am down, they always there to make me laugh.
Whenever I am hungry, they will accompany me to go out and eat and
whenever I am facing a hard time, yupe, there they are, SUPPORTING ME, GIVING ME COURAGE not to give up.
I love you. Yes, all of you. (cause u're amazingggg just the wayyy u aree. yeaaa)
They seriously complete me. Hopefully internship wont tear us apart. We're going to have fun next year right, people ? Kumpul duit banyak2 and pergi Korea ! Kan ? Kan ? or nak pergi Surabaya je korang ? HAR HAR HAR.
Whatever happens in the future, just keep in mind I sayang korang. Mana lagi nak dapat kawan yang "kecoh" kan ? Mintak2 nanti intern dah x ada dah habit nak jalan satu line 10 orang. Imagine if we go out to malls. Ya allah, kasihan gila orang nak lalu lalang kan ?
Okay people, I'm not trying to be jiwang all of sudden, it just that being alone in my room made me emotional sekejap. Tak tahu la kenapa emo je sekarang. Haih. Study melayang, tak study pun ! Exams coming up and heck, malas nak mati. :(
OH ! And not to forget these fellas. They are my drugs ! I love them to death ! There is no word can describe how enjoy I am whenever they are around. No more tears, no more stress. I wanna keep all of you in my pocket boleh ? I dont want anyone else take you away from me. Sayang sangat totak ! ;) (Hi Shaf ! Hi Juf ! Hi Mo! *lambai2* )
Because u see people, I am as strong as the table i dance on, the music i play, and the friends i roll with. Got me, mates ? ;)
Whenever I am hungry, they will accompany me to go out and eat and
whenever I am facing a hard time, yupe, there they are, SUPPORTING ME, GIVING ME COURAGE not to give up.
I love you. Yes, all of you. (cause u're amazingggg just the wayyy u aree. yeaaa)
They seriously complete me. Hopefully internship wont tear us apart. We're going to have fun next year right, people ? Kumpul duit banyak2 and pergi Korea ! Kan ? Kan ? or nak pergi Surabaya je korang ? HAR HAR HAR.
Whatever happens in the future, just keep in mind I sayang korang. Mana lagi nak dapat kawan yang "kecoh" kan ? Mintak2 nanti intern dah x ada dah habit nak jalan satu line 10 orang. Imagine if we go out to malls. Ya allah, kasihan gila orang nak lalu lalang kan ?
Okay people, I'm not trying to be jiwang all of sudden, it just that being alone in my room made me emotional sekejap. Tak tahu la kenapa emo je sekarang. Haih. Study melayang, tak study pun ! Exams coming up and heck, malas nak mati. :(
OH ! And not to forget these fellas. They are my drugs ! I love them to death ! There is no word can describe how enjoy I am whenever they are around. No more tears, no more stress. I wanna keep all of you in my pocket boleh ? I dont want anyone else take you away from me. Sayang sangat totak ! ;) (Hi Shaf ! Hi Juf ! Hi Mo! *lambai2* )
Because u see people, I am as strong as the table i dance on, the music i play, and the friends i roll with. Got me, mates ? ;)
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Again & again
i just moved to my new house. yes, again. thanks to daddy because he knows i don't like it much to stay at our previous one. im happy to be back home, seeing mama daddy, the brothers, my niece, and of course the cats ! and the funny part is ;
mama : ado laki handsome dekat sebelah rumah. mesti kakak suko.
OIMAIGAD. :P
BUT, (haha, there's always a "but")everytime i come back here, i dont have a clue on what i should do. DANG !
everyone seems so happy enjoying thier holidays, pergi sana sini. haih.
yes, i only have FEW friends here. u can call me antisocial, but that's the fact people. i dont go out that often when im home. it's not that i dont like to be friends with the people here, but it takes time to get along with them. and by the time i "click", they moved out from here. and nak pergi mana je dekat sini ? besides kb mall, where else should i go ? :'(
and since im expressing my feelings here, i tak tahu la kenapa Alexander Graham Bill invented telephone tapi people these days tak reti nak guna ? they even bought iphone, blackberry and all those expensive phones but sia2 je, tak reti nak answer calls. kasihan sangat mereka2 ini. tak baca manual book la tu.
aih, stress !
so malam ni saya mahu shisha, tak kira, NAK JUGAK !
mama : ado laki handsome dekat sebelah rumah. mesti kakak suko.
OIMAIGAD. :P
BUT, (haha, there's always a "but")everytime i come back here, i dont have a clue on what i should do. DANG !
everyone seems so happy enjoying thier holidays, pergi sana sini. haih.
yes, i only have FEW friends here. u can call me antisocial, but that's the fact people. i dont go out that often when im home. it's not that i dont like to be friends with the people here, but it takes time to get along with them. and by the time i "click", they moved out from here. and nak pergi mana je dekat sini ? besides kb mall, where else should i go ? :'(
and since im expressing my feelings here, i tak tahu la kenapa Alexander Graham Bill invented telephone tapi people these days tak reti nak guna ? they even bought iphone, blackberry and all those expensive phones but sia2 je, tak reti nak answer calls. kasihan sangat mereka2 ini. tak baca manual book la tu.
aih, stress !
so malam ni saya mahu shisha, tak kira, NAK JUGAK !
Friday, June 4, 2010
him.
i'm happy with my life now. having him by my side, really complete everything. i know ive been involved with relationships for few times, but this time, now, he's THE ONE. though i know some people say "your relationship won't last long, bla bla bla" , but this time around, i wanna prove them wrong. i love him so much. he's different from others. yes, he's the one.
i feel so secure every time he put his hands around me, every time he gives me kisses. nothing in the world can tore us apart. the feeling is different this time. totally different. i know i can count on him, yes.
ive been through hell just to be with him. yes, HELL. all those "red code" moments seriously had punched a hole in my memory.
but one thing that really made me so strong to go through HELL, was when he said, "don't give up now, i love u and please bear that in mind".
though we're 2.5 hours apart, but that, never made me tired to meet him. yes, ill do anything just for the sake of being with him. punch me on the face if u think i'm crazy, but that won't change a thing.
so sayang, if you are not the one, then why does my heart tells me that you are?
i love you.
marry me ?
i feel so secure every time he put his hands around me, every time he gives me kisses. nothing in the world can tore us apart. the feeling is different this time. totally different. i know i can count on him, yes.
ive been through hell just to be with him. yes, HELL. all those "red code" moments seriously had punched a hole in my memory.
but one thing that really made me so strong to go through HELL, was when he said, "don't give up now, i love u and please bear that in mind".
though we're 2.5 hours apart, but that, never made me tired to meet him. yes, ill do anything just for the sake of being with him. punch me on the face if u think i'm crazy, but that won't change a thing.
so sayang, if you are not the one, then why does my heart tells me that you are?
i love you.
marry me ?
Monday, April 19, 2010
and the following are my agenda for this week.
tuesday : my final lab for analog#2 ! yay. not going to pressure myself with the GAs and the bloody lab report anymore.
wednesday : electromagnetic theory test.
thursdday : communication system test.
friday : most probably going to saloon with nik. and euphonious 2010 ! 6th sense's coming !
and for next week's agenda?
IT'S GOING TO BE "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" !
note to self : everything's going to be okay. as what daddy told me; ingat ALLAH. :)
tuesday : my final lab for analog#2 ! yay. not going to pressure myself with the GAs and the bloody lab report anymore.
wednesday : electromagnetic theory test.
thursdday : communication system test.
friday : most probably going to saloon with nik. and euphonious 2010 ! 6th sense's coming !
and for next week's agenda?
IT'S GOING TO BE "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" !
note to self : everything's going to be okay. as what daddy told me; ingat ALLAH. :)
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Young.
we were so young back then. happy times, thats all i can remember. definitely NO hard times.
i wish i could travel back the time :(
tsk tsk..
my oh my,.
most of the question i got from my formspring mostly about mabeb. I don't know what's wrong with the person who asked me about that stuff, but i think she/he(haha) likes him ? or maybe I am her/his idol in this case? SUCH A STALKER. ew
i have one name in mind about "who's-the-person". but it wouldn't be a suprise if i mention her name here. oops, there i go. first hint "HER". GAHAHA
anyways, i dont blame people to stalk or gossip, because i do that as well. but not as hardcore as that "someone". and i don't mind answering stupid questions at my formspring, because hey that's the point of having formspring at the first place, right?
but to "you",
everyone knows who u are, and that's the reason why people don't bother u that much whenever u gave them comments in facebooks. they told me about your "stalking job" and thanks to them i finally noticed about it. hope u enjoy ur job :) till then. thank you :))
oh btw, i don't like to talk shit about others, in fact, i dont even bother to know about their life, BUT when people start to mess around about mine, "di mana ada jalan, di situ ada HIGHWAYYYY". :)
love.
most of the question i got from my formspring mostly about mabeb. I don't know what's wrong with the person who asked me about that stuff, but i think she/he(haha) likes him ? or maybe I am her/his idol in this case? SUCH A STALKER. ew
i have one name in mind about "who's-the-person". but it wouldn't be a suprise if i mention her name here. oops, there i go. first hint "HER". GAHAHA
anyways, i dont blame people to stalk or gossip, because i do that as well. but not as hardcore as that "someone". and i don't mind answering stupid questions at my formspring, because hey that's the point of having formspring at the first place, right?
but to "you",
everyone knows who u are, and that's the reason why people don't bother u that much whenever u gave them comments in facebooks. they told me about your "stalking job" and thanks to them i finally noticed about it. hope u enjoy ur job :) till then. thank you :))
oh btw, i don't like to talk shit about others, in fact, i dont even bother to know about their life, BUT when people start to mess around about mine, "di mana ada jalan, di situ ada HIGHWAYYYY". :)
love.
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